I'm thinking about that old spiritual that says, "I'm gonna lay down my burdens, down by the river side... I ain't gon study war no more." I have carried this song in my heart and in my body for a long time and now it feels like it is creating something new while, oddly, pulling me back to the beginning again.

I am reminded as I’m typing this, that at the world endings and world beginnings that we find ourselves in, many frameworks and expectations fall apart and many repetitive “failures” commence. The breath, I think, is key to continuing to show up to the call of the Spirit of Life amid the vulnerability the unknown and the learning of new ways requires.

Amid the urgency brought by awareness of the many crises of the world, the death and destruction brought by systems and arms of oppression, and the pressing pulse that begs us to eek out new ways of living together, it has been necessary for me to call upon all parts of myself. Play is something that allows me to exercise new parts of myself and find freedom from being the producer-consumer I am pressured to be.

…I became exasperated searching for plants who were not as intertwined with other plants and who I’d captured with clean enough edges to isolate it and allow it to jut into the white border like that one green leaf. And most of all, I didn’t have the patience for it not to be ordered.

I am often challenging myself to see abundant life and wildness in places where there first appears to be none. If it is difficult to notice the layers of life in a small tree, it is often even more difficult to notice the life in the ground itself, much less to capture it. Maybe that is one of its strengths. It is difficult to contain or anticipate its movements.

What I know is a couple of months ago I felt it very distinctly - someone holding me in place, putting their hand on mine - and it was warm and just tangible enough to know that it was someone.

Those unexpected moment of supportive presence are gifts. So too are the moments I’ve experienced of intentionally calling a specific person to mind in prayer, meditation, or imagination and letting their image or energy offer support. Below is a practice that brings both those experiences together.

I wrote the first poem in this series, in March 2022. By the end of April, I'd quit my 9-5 and left Chicago where I was living at the time. The past few years had seen countless doctor's visits, 3 minor surgeries, 2 emergency room visits, months of severe insomnia, digestive issues, and hair loss. Even though I am a mystic and a Spiritual Director, it took a year and many different places to “get” what my body and spirit were telling me.